His Spirit inhabits every detail of marriage

This year a very close friend of mine and I started a wives group, called Young wives club (YWC). The group is made up of young women, under the age of 30, with none in the group having been married longer than four years. “YWC is a group which stems from the deep growing desire to connect with other wives concerning intricate marital issues. As young wives we found ourselves isolated and unable to relate to our single girlfriends on various marital issues .The group is aimed at fulfilling the desire to belong, by connecting with other wives where one can transparently share one’s heart, in an atmosphere which is non-judgmental, but at the same time courageous enough to rid us of ‘self’ in order to do marriage the way God designed it.” Before you start thinking that this is the “blind leading the blind”, because no one in the group has experience (in years) or wisdom that comes of (age), in actual fact it’s been quite the opposite. I’ve been challenged, convicted and I’ve grown in leaps and bounds in such a short space of time. I’ve had my eyes opened, gained deeper understanding on marital matters and I’ve had an awakening to work on myself (by His grace), to better my marriage. I’ve also learnt that God is truly no respecter of persons, He uses whom He wants and when He wants. My marriage has benefitted tremendously from being a part of this group.

Before I get carried away about the YWC, I actually have a point to this post. It was my turn to share in the month of March at the monthly YWC meeting. And as I was preparing, I initially thought of sharing and having an open discussion about sex. But then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a scripture I once posted, but didn’t get a chance to go into great detail about. The scripture is: Malachi 2: 13-15(MSG Bible)

“And here’s a second offense. You fill the place with your whining and sniveling, because you don’t get what you want from God. Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith bond with your vowed companion, your wife. God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does He want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse.

How amazing is this passage of scripture?! Firstly, God was there as a witness when I spoke my vows to my husband. I’ve always known this truth, but what I didn’t do is take it a step further. Now when I look back, I almost feel like I left God (as a witness) at the vow exchange on my wedding day, and then excluded Him from the bigger picture, the marriage. What I mean by this is, if God took the time to be a witness at my vow ceremony, how much more does He take time to be a witness in everything related to my marriage and furthermore marriage, itself. I haven’t been mindful of this. God taking time to be a witness is enough to tell me that my marriage is important to Him, knowing this allows me to open up to Him about everything pertaining to marriage. This scripture made it so clear to me that God see’s it all, so therefore why keep anything from Him in the first place. It is so easy to run to God about topics or areas of your life and marriage that are more comfortable to talk about. It’s the deep issues and the hidden groaning’s that He wants to hear of. I’m learning how to see Him as Father and a Father that is interested, concerned and eager to hear about the smallest to the biggest issue. He is the third party that should always be welcome in marriage, because He is ever present. A part of me sometimes feels that God will be unmoved by my issues, which is true in a way. He is unmoved, He knows how big He is and how minute the issue is, but because He is a loving God His heart is moved by compassion to console and reach out. I’m learning so much about my personal relationship with God as well, how I handle things and how much I truly rely on Him. I’m choosing Him more now than my own strength, I’m more conscious of Him and more reliant on Him. One of my biggest hindrances in my walk with God has been learning how to trust Him. And soon I saw this being a problem in my marriage. I’m able to cast my burdens onto Him, that’s not the problem. The struggle lies in leaving them with Him.  I’m sure most of you are thinking clearly they weren’t burdensome enough! So this is how it would go -If God takes long to act or move; I’d be quick to withdraw and attempt to solve the problem my own way. This scripture allowed the Holy Spirit to teach me how to relinquish control and give God room to be God and show Himself faithful. That being said, I’m applying this directly to marriage as well.

Secondly, I’m learning to lean on the Holy Spirit more and more, because as the scripture says, “It is God not I that made marriage.” It took time before this sank in, because sometimes I forget that this is not a man-made institution. Without being conscious of it, you soon realize that marriage is habit forming, so one can easily get to a place of becoming complacent about God’s involvement in marriage if they aren’t careful. This scripture is truly a great reminder- that marriage is God made and if it is so, it means the only way for it to succeed is for it to be God kept, God up-held, God managed. Leaning on the Holy Spirit also means to look within, before looking out. I’m completely guilty of this, being quick to talk through an issue with a close friend than to run to God about it first. I’m sure some of you can relate. Oftentimes you feel like, because the friend or family member is actual flesh, tangible and can quickly communicate back advice, it seems easier to run to them. What I’ve learnt recently is how damaging this can be to our relationship with the Holy Spirit. If He is our helper, He needs to be able to do His job and help us through things.  The more reliant you become on the Holy Spirit, the easier and quicker it becomes to run to God and to be honest, you get the best solution bang on time.  He is all knowing, full of wisdom and has an answer ready before you even ask. One of the best attributes about the Holy Spirit is that He never forgets. He is such a great reminder, and He is constant. He quickly nudges you when you’re about to handle a problem in your own strength and re-directs your decision-making to the one that will uplift, build and unite your marriage. If you are struggling with this in your marriage, speak to the Holy Spirit, He is eager and willing to assist.

Thirdly, this is probably my favourite part of this passage of scripture, because it reveals the heart of God. “His Spirit inhabits the smallest details of marriage.” When I read this, I became quite emotional, because I was in total awe of God’s kindness and care. God being God could have chosen to create this institution and then just let us be. We could’ve learnt to try figure things out on our own, but He didn’t. That right there reveals the depths of the Father’s heart concerning marriage. He prides Himself in what He creates; He wants it to succeed, because it has His name and hand all over it.  I took time and looked up the word inhabits and the synonyms were as follows : live in, occupy, settle in, make one’s home in, set up home in, dwell in, reside in, be established in.  And the list goes on! So if I were to re- write this scripture using one of its synonyms it would go as follows: His Spirit makes one’s home in the smallest detail of marriage. How powerful! How amazing! How loving and kind! Since being a part of the wives club, I’ve found that it’s the small things that can create a big noise in a marriage. A small thing done repetitively has the power to take hold of a marriage and eat at it little by little. Oftentimes you would think that it’s infidelity  or extreme cruelty ,such as physical abuse which causes a divorce, but these days we are hearing this term “irreconcilable differences” more often that not. This is enough to tell me that character flaws, behavioral acts and up-bringing play a major role in the demise of marriages. They have the ability to create enough strife to tear a marriage apart. This scripture brings such peace, re-assurance and hope. It makes you realize that marriage is a third party institution, you need God at all times and the more you understand this, the better your marriage will be. Neglecting God is in actual fact neglecting the growth and longevity of your marriage.

Lastly, is “To guard the Spirit of marriage within us.” It is such a shame at how lightly we’ve taken the commitment of marriage. We don’t give enough thought to the purpose of marriage and unfortunately many couples believe that love alone will sustain them through this journey. It is not a coincidence that in Proverbs 4: 23 God says “Above all else, guard your heart for out of it is the wellspring of life.” Other versions use the word “issues” of life. God wants us to be mindful of what we let in, the sacredness of marriage is important to Him and therefore it should be important to us. In the context of this scripture, infidelity is what we should guard ourselves from. We live in a culture of divorce today, but it’s amazing to know that God knew how much we will need reminding of this in our time and in our generation. As believers we are not exempt from divorce and marital issues. The only difference between us and the world is Christ. We have the Cornerstone to lean on and help us through any storm that may arise, and because He was victorious on the cross, we are able to claim victory in our marriages. I love that God didn’t leave out that word ‘within’; it’s so comforting to know how much faith He has in us. Guard what is within, don’t allow the ways of the world to influence you and take hold of your marriage.

Xx